i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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