My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize
