I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
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Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
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I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
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