do herpes really smell.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
