Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
