I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
