but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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