STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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