If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
