My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize