i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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