Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
