Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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