do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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