what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
