No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Blood and glitter go together right?
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
