I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
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