i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
