i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
