i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
