i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
