I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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