I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
