So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize
