And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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