she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
