I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
