he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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