Barsexuality is the new black.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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