Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
