KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
