New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize