i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
