I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
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we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
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I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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