Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
