Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
