so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
