Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
