the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
