Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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