I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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