His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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