I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
