We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize