NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
