I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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