I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
