I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
