he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
