You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
