you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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