I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize