We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize