I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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