Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Randomize