Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
